Imagine you’re at a dinner party with friends- the classy kind, with cloth napkins and wine from bottles. Glass bottles, with corks. Conversation is flowing and people are enjoying themselves, when an awkward silence descends upon the room. A taboo subject has been broached, and your companions squirm uncomfortably in their seats. Someone takes an extraordinarily large gulp of wine. A forced cough meets the uncertain glances and interrupts the silence. You feel the tip of your wife’s shoe jabbing your leg. Maybe this is why you don’t get invited to many parties.
I’m a 3rd level dungeon master when it comes to plunging pleasant company into awkward silences. It’s kind of a gift. Yet what people deem awkward or socially unacceptable varies immensely between people- maybe that’s why I can never seem to figure out where that line is drawn. Traditionally, religion and politics were the ultimate forbidden topics, yet the taboo appears to have faded somewhat. Instead, the new conversations for social pariahs are sex and money.
According to a recent poll, 22% of men and 15% of women say they would never discuss the details of their financial situation with friends. The survey also revealed that 48% don’t openly discuss their debt loads versus 25% who do (incredulously, the remaining respondents don’t have any debt to discuss). When asked “Who knows your salary?”, 77% indicated that their spouse knows, while less than 25% indicated that family and friends know this information. The same article indicates that in a survey by ADP, 52% of those surveyed would be willing to discuss details of their finances, while only 21% would discuss their sex life.
The data suggests that while people are more forthcoming about financial data than details about sex, people remain quite reserved about both topics. Personally, I would be more willing to discuss sex than money any day. Despite blogging regularly about personal finance, I rarely disclose the specifics of my financial situation. You will never find the exact details of my salary or investments posted online, nor will you get the details from me in person. I will gladly deal in generalities and discuss general financial theory, but I guard the specifics like a ninja cat guarding a can of tuna.
My wife is quite a bit more open about finances than I am. It may due partly to the fact that, as a Federal Government employee, her salary can be looked up by anyone with an internet connection. But even aside from this, she is somewhat willing to discuss the icky, dirty details of salary, savings, expenses, and debt with her family and friends. The very thought makes me nauseous. I would much rather sit down with friends to debate the merits of the clockwise swirl versus the pinch than to discuss our weekly paycheques.
Maybe I’m unique in this respect, but I suspect not. While I don’t view either topic as shameful, I do view finance as more private. Sex is a common affliction, an integral part of the human condition. While different people have different tastes, we all do it more or less the same. Money, on the other hand, is arguably more individual and opens one up to greater scrutiny. It also tends to be more closely tied to how others view us, and how we view ourselves. In a strangely perverse way, talking about money just feels dirtier.
So let me ask the all-knowing readers- would you rather discuss money or sex?
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Given that lots of PF bloggers post up regular net worth details, I’m guessing most are comfortable talking about money. I guess they might all have sex blogs too, but I doubt it!
I’m fine with either, but sex makes me more uneasy than money. Maybe it’s remnants of a repressive childhood or Catholic guilt, but it’s a topic that makes me blush. With that said, NOBODY knows how much I make, and I wouldn’t answer if someone asked.
Oh, I can talk about sex all day! Money? Not likely!
I’d discuss money. That I have, sex…not so much lately!
If you think money is unique but sex is the same for everyone, I think you’ve got it backwards.
Visit your local library or search online for the Kama Sutra or something…
MONEY hands down.
Sex, not so much…. We’re pretty boring. But money.. oh yes.
Fabulously Broke in the City
“Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.“
I read that article yesterday. I’m from Ireland, so I’m not sure why I’m spared Craig’s catholic guilt, but would definitely talk about sex before money to family. A therapist would have a field day with that one. I’ll discuss either with friends, but it’s mostly in generalities because frankly hardly anyone’s ever asked me for the details. One exception though - I’m happy to chat away about my net worth, mortgage rate, debt, holdings, whatever but DON’T like giving out specifics of my salary and bonus.
My husband has no problem at all talking about money to all and sundry, and we have had some fairly spectacular fights when he’s nonchalantly given away what I earn or how much my bonus was to my family, which is a big sticking point with me. Maybe it’s because of where he comes from, or maybe it’s because of his erratic and exciting financial history, but he just doesn’t care. He won’t talk about sex though. Yes, opposites attract
It’s not fair… ask a coworker about her RRSPs and you’re nosy, but ask her about her sex life and you’re a sex offender.
Here is an even bigger problem - your spouse (wife) blabs to all of her girl friends about sex and money - and you never know it. But you suspect it - from those looks you get.
@Craig - If you find those PF sex blogs, let me know!
@Anon & @DavidV - Opposites attract?
@Mr. Creative - I’ll take your word for it…
@Fab - I’m not surprised at your response (well, maybe at the “boring” part..), given that you’re one of the few bloggers who actually posts FULL details of your salary, etc. I think you’re the exception, though- net worth discussions are common, but salary posts are rare.
@guiness416 - The next time he mentions your finances, you just need to start talking about a crazy new sex move! That should teach him…
@Mr. TML - Great… now I’ve got to wonder whether those odd glances and giggles are about my portfolio or my Portfolio.
It’s funny how money is a taboo topic in our culture.
So, I would talk about money first. I also have no problem talking about sex.
Money all the way. My friends, and acquaintances, all suspect I don’t even know what sex consists of, I’m so avoidant of the topic in general conversation. I know this because people ask me if I needed an explanation for any random innuendo when I don’t react in any way to hearing it.
I am fine talking with both actually.
My view on both is this.
Money, people don;t talk about it because they know that they suck at managing it and if they are confronted they justify their stupidity. Such as spending money on shit they don’t need, can’t afford or that someone else told them to get.
Sex, people don’t talk about because once again they don’t know how it all works either. I see so many girls on dating sites saying, i am not here looking for sex. But really who are you kidding, if the guy hits the right buttons, you will drop your clothes and spread your legs in a heart beat.
Both genders are in it for the same thing. Males choose to make it more obvious then women.
any opinions?
Sex is just more fun than money both to make and talk about!
Rose, depends who you talk to. I think people are reluctant to go “personal” about either topics. They are afraid of the embarrassment and what others will think of them.
Yes sex is more but you don’t see people talking about is in that context. My friend Trey wrote a great article about what is wrong with the movie industry, and he states an interesting point about sex being limited. By limited I mean not proclaimed as much as violence in movies.
Here is the link
http://www.swollenthumb.com/2009/02/top-10-problems-with-the-movie-industry/
Great topic —
I imagine they are both taboo because very few other topics like sex & money have the potential to be either very intimate or used for exploitation. They are typically reflective signs of deeper issues.
People resist talking about them because they are afraid people will judge their levels of intimacy & exploitation. Conversely, people also can’t handle it when others make more of either. It’s hard to exchange and discuss sexual or financial information with someone that’s not on the same playing field as you.
Money is easier for me to talk about. Although i don’t give real specific details on either subject. I find it easier to discuss money with family than friends, but i don’t get resentment from others?
When you work hard to reach a comfortable financial spot and others ask for money or look at you different its not any fun so i don’t discuss money as much now than earlier.
dh