When Did Flying Stop Being Fun? (and 7 Tips for an Enjoyable Flight)

I’ve just returned from a few days in Ottawa where I was attending a conference on Canada-US relations. While the conference was excellent and Ottawa was as passable as ever (albeit obscenely cold), the travel back and forth was positively soul draining. With the possible exception of medium security prisons and Wal-Mart on the weekend before Christmas, airports and modern air travel represent the worst that our society has to offer. If archaeologists or time traveling aliens ever decide to examine early 21^st century society, I certainly hope they don’t base their assumptions about our culture on an arrivals and departures lounge.

I wasn’t always this jaded on flight. I can remember my first flight vividly- it was May of 1989, and the 9 year old version of me (MGL 1.0) was headed to Florida with my aunt. To say I was excited would be an understatement- I was practically transcendental. I can still remember the sounds and smells of the aircraft as we sat on the runway waiting to takeoff, the exhilaration as the force of the jet accelerating down the runway pushed me back into my seat. I remember turning to my aunt and saying “I love this already!” My first flight was almost as much of a highlight of that trip as meeting Mickey Mouse.

Twenty years later, my love of flying has waned significantly. It’s not the flying itself that bothers me, but the associated ignominies that are really doing me in. The cramped seating, the cold lighting, the queues that snake their way through every part of the airport, and the general air of stress and defeat that hangs like a bad smell. I am told that this wasn’t always this way, that flying was once a gentlemanly affair with matching luggage and airborne luxury, and that people would actually dress up to take a flight on a shiny DC-3. I don’t doubt that this was once the case, just as I’m sure there was a time when riding a bus was a classy and dignified experience before it became the preferred method of transport of scoundrels, vagrants, and daytime hookers sporting track marks. Alas, those days are long gone.   

Unfortunately, for most of my travels air transport is a necessary evil. To avoid high blood pressure, stress, air rage and possible tasering by an Air Marshall, I’m developing a working list of tactics to make flying a little more pleasant. With many people preparing to fly home for the holidays, I’m sure others may also benefit from this compilation. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

1. Beat the crowds- One of the biggest indignities of the modern airport is the endless line to check in that greets all travelers as they arrive. Rather than standing in formation with your luggage and playing with those nifty retractable dividers, check in ahead of time on the internet. You’ll save both time and frustration. Most airlines allow you to print your boarding pass at home or even receive an electronic boarding pass on your Blackberry or phone.
2. Carry it with you- For longer trips this may not be an option, but for shorter stays you can often get by without having to check any bags at all. The regulation-sized carry on bag can easily hold an extra pair of shoes and a few changes of clothes; if you’re careful, you can also carefully fold your suit in there. The rewards for light packing are significant- assuming you’ve checked in online (see above), you can just show up at the airport and waltz through security without any other queues, and once you get off the flight there’s no waiting around for your luggage, not to mention no worries about your baggage deciding to head to a different destination.
3. Distract yourself- Even the longest flights can pass quickly if you’re properly entertained. A good book is a great place to start, as are crossword puzzles for those so inclined. I also like to take along my Nintendo DS for some serious en route gaming. Most major carriers now offer in-flight entertainment systems, although your viewing options can be sketchy, so make sure you’ve got an alternate plan lest you end up having to watch Maid in Manhattan. If you do take in a movie on your flight, time it carefully- on my return flight yesterday I watched The Traitor but had it shut off with about 10 minutes left. I’m not sure how the story concludes and I can’t justify renting it just to watch 10 minutes. Anybody care to tell me how it ends?
4. Choose your seat carefully- If you’re flying economy class, there’s not much you can do about narrow seats and annoying seatmates (unless the seatmate is your traveling companion, in which case you’ve got other issues to address). However, not all seats are created equal. Bulkhead and exit row seats often offer extra legroom, and the designs of some aircraft give some seats a particular advantage. Check out Seat Guru to find out what chair you should be gunning for.
5. Eat, drink and be merry- Bring along a few of your own snacks and a water bottle. It’s important to stay hydrated and comfortable, but the lousy sesame snacks and small cups of water offered by the flight attendants usually don’t cut it. Be like a Boy Scout- always prepared. But without the Boy Scout knife, as that will likely get you sent to Gitmo.
6. Be A Lounge Lizard- There are two ways to wait for your flight- you can either sit on an uncomfortable chair in a hectic departure area with loudspeakers blaring and streams of the stressed masses being herded by, OR you can have a concierge take your bags and coat as you slip into a leather recliner with a chardonnay in hand and watch the football game as soothing jazz plays in the background. The latter option comes in the form of the executive lounges found in most major airports. While these lounges are generally reserved for business class travelers, there are other ways into these secret clubs. Many top-tier flight reward credit cards, such as the American Express Aeroplan cards, offer complimentary admission, and frequent flier status (what Air Canada gracefully calls “Elite” and “Super Elite”) will also get you into the big lounges, even if you’re flying coach on a discount airline.
7. Stay (First) Classy, San Diego- I’ll be the first to admit that I love flying business class (or even better, first class), but I find the extra cost to be prohibitive. In fact, I don’t know anyone who flies business on their own dime; either they get their company to pay for it, or use frequent flyer miles to upgrade. If you can swing either of these routes to a seat up front, go for it- the roomier seats and better service makes flying a somewhat more gentile pursuit. If you’re like me and your boss howls with laughter when you say you want to fly first class, you may be able to swing a complimentary upgrade by asking very, very nicely. Don’t hold your breath, though- my success with this is around 5%. I’ve also been upgraded a couple of times after volunteering to give up my seat on an overbooked flight, although there is a big tradeoff with this approach- these tips are meant to get you in and out of the airport as quickly and stress free as possible, not to see you playing solitaire in the airport bar for 6 hours to get a fancy leather seat and hot towel on the next flight out of Toledo.

Any suggestions on what else can be done? How do you make your flying experience a pleasant one?

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